Summary: Nepal has a system in which people get either an “arranged marriage” or a “love marriage.” This blog was originally written in 2012 but I dusted it off due to new developments. (http://www.myrepublica.com/news/10604) In 2012 I got some interesting junk email. It was amazing and I thought I would share so that everyone could enjoy. I think it is a window into Nepali culture in the present day. I invite my Nepali friends to comment as to whether it is true or false…..
Note: the indented sections are from the email. I added my own comments, which are the ones not indented.
Arranged Marriage versus Love Marriage
Fact: divorce is rare in Nepal. I learned long ago that if you are with three Nepalis and the conversation goes into a lull, all you need to do is to solicit opinions as to arranged vs love marriage, and you will be supplied with conversation for eight hours.
A Big Scandal Prevailing In Nepal. Be aware. Sabadhan. Please forward this to all Nepalese people you know. It can become a great help to them too.
A Big Scandal Prevailing In Nepal. Be aware. Sabadhan. Previously unreal women from Africa were dangerous. But now many real women from Nepal have become more dangerous than those unreal women. The parasites are eyeing for you, don’t fall a prey of this scandal. Especially those Nepalese living abroad – who are unaware of the scandal prevailing in Nepal.
Nepalese women following you up regularly and showing you extreme love on the internet sites, phone or other communication means, can have a completely different intention and can be a very dangerous effect on your life in the future. The women who are actually facing difficulties in the remote parts can never get access to the law but the spoilt kind of women specially in the capital and the cities have made this into a great business to earn quick fortune. Nepal is the only country in the world with the law – where parental property (aanksha) needs to be divided to the wife (daughter in law). With the help of this law some cheats have made a great fortune – and some others are in the process. And there may be behind these women – a few UNIQUE kind of seudomists in black coats (lawyers) pre planning the great grand design to loot you and destroy your life, driving the conspiracy.
Yes, this is a warning, perhaps on par with the preventative measures so you don’t catch A.G.E. or malaria!
Warning – don’t read the list of magic spells below or you might accidentally fall in love!
The planners are the people well versed with law – operating the scandal. Types of language and body language, these kind of women may use to convince you, to love and marry them –
I love you very much and won’t leave you for the entire life.
Drink a lot of water and take care of your self.
If anything happens to you I shall kill myself.
If I don’t get you in life I shall suicide.
If you marry me I shall obey everything you say and will always walk your way.
I shall serve you my entire life and obey everything you order.
This is all because I love you.
You are the only person I have loved, there is no one else in my life and no one else shall ever come in my life apart from you.
It is so pleasant to hear your voice, please keep calling me.
Take proper care of yourself, take food in time.
The whole day I wait for your message.
The whole night I remembered you and wanted to love you.
My life is sacrificed to you and only you.
I shall cover you with a blanket and keep you warm throughout the night.
I have cooked food but don’t want to eat alone, I would like to feed you first then eat.
Through out the life we shall be together – I shall never leave you.
I want to sleep in your arms and love you all night.
My love, my dear, kiss, pappi etc
I have become crazy for you, I love you from deep inside my heart and Oh God I don’t understand why I love you so much, I have decided I cannot live without you.
Please take care of yourself – don’t trouble me by not taking proper care of yourself.
I became ill continuously thinking of you.
I don’t understand how I became so close to you – oh god – I can never forget you.
I love you more than everyone in the world and second is my mummy.
Please come near me I am not well – I only remember you.
I have become crazy for you, my breath, my heart.
I love you as much as the sky and as much as the mud in the world.
Apart from you there is no one else in my life – it’s you and only you.
I man not the kind of girl who mingles with men but I don’t know how I fell in love with you.
You are my first into last.
I want you to love me only and no one else since I only love you and no one else.
Etc, etc, etc
He makes it sound as though each phrase above is from Satan’s Bible!
They use a continuous artificial smile while talking to you and may cry in between to show how much she wants you. And will use several other body languages to convince you. The language and the body language they use is a well rehearsed training they have had, and it’s not just you that they are using this too – they might be simultaneously using this technique to a dozen of men like you.
This kind of women will follow you continuously, can be for years too, until you get married to them. They will have enchanting methods to convince you, well panned and well trained. To convince you she might use words like, ‘I hate people who lie, who steal and who cheat others.’ And, ‘People are selfish so don’t believe everyone – I am the most truthful person you can find.’ To show you that she is a truthful person.
AND THEIR BUSINESS STARTS AFTER MARRIGE :- The crop is ripe. Now is the time to harvest the crop – of all the long effort of following up and the disguise of love. After marriage they try to gain as much of wealth from you politely and lovingly. They enquire for all your assets and your precious things. Then she will start a little quarrel. Call few relatives of people which is pre planned and they will blame you of abusing her. The women will cry loudly saying, “I cannot stay with this man he does not love me”. They will blame you of beating her – trying to destroy her life. She will blame that you have a psychological problem, is impotent and has had no physical relation after marriage (so that she can catch another guy), etc etc. Then she files a divorce case in the court asking for alimony and aanksha (property). With the help of the lawyer who may be key planner of this scam. After leaving you she floats in the market as an unmarried women looking for other prey.
As per the law of Nepal you will need to give her half of you earning as alimony till the court divides your entire belongings and your parental property and hands over to her. It can amount to more than multi million. This is the quickest way for women in Nepal to get rich. So it’s time for all Nepalese men to be aware of this scam. There is only prevention but no cure.
fortunately, there is a remedy –
Precautions to be taken before marriage –
First check if the women is previously married and divorced, from the district courts of all the cities she has lived in. She might have already married and looted someone else like you before. And may be pretending to be never married women.
Be cautious if an unknown women suddenly becomes too much attracted to you and proposes you to get married.
Be careful to date until you know her completely – she might take you to any lonely place and gather people there to be the witness, and force you to get married to her.
Verify her actual house where her parents live and the neighbors there about her.
If you find that the women is a divorced women and is pretending to be a never married women complain to the police immediately.
Check at the police station about her records. It is now high time to spread this information to all friends you know. Lets all join hands to identify these scammers and put them behind the bars.
Please email at “firstname.lastname@example.org” to show that you would like to be a part of help through your ideas, how to get this scam eliminated from the Nepalese society. Your suggestion shall become a great help to the society and the country as a whole.
UPDATE Dec 7th, 2016
The parliament is evidently now considering an amendment to the law governing divorce in Nepal, and the proposal would add some new factors to the divorce laws. Here is the link: http://www.myrepublica.com/news/10604
“Divorced women may not get property share in new Code”
“Keeping in view the fact that men are being victimized because of the unequal provisions of the law, we have suggested more equal provisions,” said sub-committee coordinator Radheshyam Adhikari. “A woman will get a share of the husband’s property either if the treatment by her husband is found to be intolerable or the husband himself seeks a divorce in spite of the wife being of proper conduct.”
- Men also can directly file for divorce
- 20 proposed as minimum age of marriage for all
- NRNs would have property rights in Nepal
- Will system for paternal property after 16 years
The proposed revision also suggests providing a one-year reconciliation or cooling-off period if the wife or husband declines a divorce. “But if both agree to a divorce, the court may allow them to separate within a day,” he said.
If you got this far
The holidays are coming. Here’s a great gift idea if you have a family member interested in Global Health or Nepal or both. It tells the story of a Nepali woman who marries an American guy. It’s a rollicking adventure tale. https://www.amazon.com/Sacrament-Goddess-Joe-Niemczura/dp/1632100029